i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
