I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
