my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
ttyl tear gas
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
