It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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