Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
