My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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