I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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