OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
