best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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