Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
