on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
