You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Randomize
