He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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