I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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