When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
