Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
