His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
