final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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