How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
