You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
