I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize