ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they need to just BURY HIM!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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