I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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