No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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