I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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