I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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