I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
