One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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