I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
