I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
