apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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