If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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