i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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