apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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