I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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