I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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