I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
