I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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