too bad you live with your parents still
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
