Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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