So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
