Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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