told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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