like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
