I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
