some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
