I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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