all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
