Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
