OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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