Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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