I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
