if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
