i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
