Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
