You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
