the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
