i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
