am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
