atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
