my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's the barista slut.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
