my sisters under your porch take her home
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
