Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
