I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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