guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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