If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am one with the molecules
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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