you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
