chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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