i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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