Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
