It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
