If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
