apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
