if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
