Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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