For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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