you're like a bully in the Christmas story
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
