I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
